


Denial (Regrets Remix)

by Gerec



Series: Remixes [3]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Missing Scene, Post XMA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8063332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gerec/pseuds/Gerec
Summary: Charles and Erik deal with the aftermath. Sex - and denial - helps nothing.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Unforgotten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unforgotten/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Regrets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6987679) by [Unforgotten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unforgotten/pseuds/Unforgotten). 
  * In response to a prompt by [Unforgotten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unforgotten/pseuds/Unforgotten) in the [xmen_remix_madness2016](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/xmen_remix_madness2016) collection. 



“This isn’t working.”

The words are so quiet that Erik almost misses them, mind still in a haze from the blissful high of release. He’s barely finished actually, still panting and his body covered in a sheen of sweat, but Charles might as well be miles away, withdrawing physically and mentally as they lay side by side on the bed.

He waits – for Charles to explain what he means, because he will, he always does if Erik waits long enough – eyes glued to the ceiling fan spinning round and round above their heads. The numbness is creeping into every part of him already, slowly swallowing him whole until he’s drowning again in a sea of apathy.

Charles doesn’t look at him – can’t or won’t, it hardly matters – but he does reach for Erik’s hand with his fingertips, curling them lightly against his palm. A connection, a gesture meant to comfort, some part of Erik thinks, but he hardly feels it, barely feels _anything_ , except for the moments they share in bed, when there’s nothing but heat and skin and proof that the world hasn’t ended.

(No, not the whole world. Just Erik’s world.)

“This isn’t…this isn’t what you want,” Charles says, and once upon a time Erik would have cut him off there with a sharp word, for presuming to know Erik’s heart from reading his mind. Now though…now he _wants_ Charles to tell him – what needs fixing, who needs training, when to eat, when to sleep – as he’s been doing every day since….

For Charles to tell Erik what he wants, because Erik doesn’t _want_ anything.

(He wants his wife. He wants _Nina_.)

He wants to tear the world apart with his powers, until there’s nothing left but fire, and blood, and ashes.

“This can’t go on, not like this,” Charles continues, and he’s struggling for words, no doubt mindful of Erik’s grief, because Charles tries, even when it’s hopeless and pointless, he _tries…_

He gives, and Erik takes.

“Falling into bed with me…you’re not dealing with your loss, Erik. You need to grieve for them. This thing…this doesn’t _fix_ anything. For you or for me.”

Erik knows of course that Charles is right, and that a black pit of despair awaits him just over the horizon. That the minute he _stops_ , and lets himself acknowledge it (that they’re gone, gone forever), the pain and the grief will catch up and drag him under, and there’s no one left to hunt, or kill – there’s nothing he can _do_ – to make it better.

And Erik isn’t the only one who needs time and distance, to heal wounds that have been papered over due to stubbornness as much as necessity. On the rare nights he doesn’t seek his own bed, Charles wakes Erik with nightmares of his own; his limbs unmoving as he screams, losing the battle against a god for his mind and his body.

And though Charles would never admit it – would call it petty and beneath him – Erik knows him and knows what he sees; Charles is full of barely contained rage that he won’t let himself acknowledge.

Rage over all the senseless death and destruction borne of arrogance, and misguided faith.

Rage over the loss of Alex Summers, who died trying to save him.

Rage, because Erik refused to listen, refused to trust him, leading a mad man to his School – his _sanctuary_ \- and taking him against his will, standing by as Apocalypse tried to steal his soul…

Erik gets up and off the bed, and slips into his discarded clothes. He leans over to grab his belt off the floor, and runs a quick hand through his hair.

Charles doesn’t say anything.

He leaves the room without a backwards glance.

He leaves the School, three weeks later.


End file.
